APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by two (2) complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

  1. NAME:        DATE OF BIRTH:
  2. HEIGHT:      WEIGHT:        IQ:        G.P.A.:
  3. SOCIAL SECURITY #:          DRIVERS LICENSE
  4. BOY SCOUT RANK:
  5. HOME ADDRESS:               CITY/STATE:            ZIP:
  6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parents? If NO, explain
  7. Number of years parents married:
  8. Do you own a van?

    A truck with oversize tires?

    A waterbed?

    Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring?

    A Tattoo?

  9. IF YES TO ANY OF #8, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
  10. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

 

 

 

 

  1. In 50 words or less what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

 

 

 

  1. In 50 words or less what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

 

 

 

  1. Church you attend:                How often do you attend?
  2. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?

 

 

 

Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely-all answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - promise.)

  1. If, I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the
  2. If, I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
  3. A woman's place is in the
  4. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
  5. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is

(NOTE: If answer 5 begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion IS advised).

  1. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Signature (That means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for “processing”. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back)