The Canonical Collection of Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from Western Electric Corp. on payment of license fee (binary only).

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many valley girls does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon!

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it. Notes: To change and not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, the bulb will change itself when its ready.

Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!